Sunday, October 18, 2015

1, 2, 3, 4

Nothing like a two-and-a-half-month sabbatical from outfit photos to give your brain a break.

Ha. Because taking outfit pictures really requires so much of my brain. I'm sure a normal good photographer uses his or her brain while on the job, but other than minor adjustments I actually know how to make, me? Noooo. . . .
Blouse/Style & Co. (thrifted) $3.50?   Skirt/Great Northwest: Indigo (Fred Meyer) $11.98   Ankle Boots/Carlos (Ross) $27.99   Nails/Jamberry Trushine in "Black Cherry"

Although I suppose, technically speaking, that outfit photos generally require a write-up alongside -- hence I guess by posting less I have been giving my brain a break.
Speaking of pro photographers, guess who did all the work for this outfit post!?! None other than my favorite photographer ever, Hallie Jo of Hallie Jo Photography. She gave me the best birthday present and surprised me by driving all the way down from Olympia to Goldendale, and then took some outfit pictures for me Sunday morning. I was a trial to her life though for all my grumpiness. I was having a hard, emotional time adjusting to the extremely sudden school workload.

They say calculus has a reputation. Four to six hours doing ten to twenty problems, in one day . . . I don't know, maybe it deserves it.
All the same, the school year is always the happiest time of my life. Though I am an introvert and I love having alone time, recently it's become too much for me. I'm alone too frequently, so much so that I've taken to entertaining myself on a level that most people might consider borderline insane. Thus, social outlet in the form of my classrooms are essential. I have come to love spending time with the people I've met there, in the tutoring center doing calculus and trigonometry problems, in the classroom discussing grad school and listening to my math prof talk about various disciplines from astronomy to meteorology to music, outside on the beautiful campus looking at God's nature and breathing in the scent of memories and contentedness. Aspirations and goals are highly necessary to disciplining myself; knowledge, learning, analysis, is exciting. 

I worry that I won't make it to grad school or that I'll decide math isn't for me. It scares me sort of because I'll fear I wasted my money on an education I won't use -- teaching math is, after all, the main reason I'm going to university; sure, I could teach English and writing no big deal, but not only does that bore me after a while, it also reduces the likelihood of my getting employed as soon as possible after graduation -- and I'm not sure, to be honest, I could teach analysis of literature, grammar, syntax, and writing for the rest of my life, however long that is. At least teaching math I know I would (almost) never be bored. I think sometimes I can understand my math teacher when he says he comes across a "fun problem" in the calculus book. As much as he knows, finally having a challenge after teaching calculus for so long must be a breath of relief.

This is a load of nonsensical letters to you all, my online friends with whom I've hardly spoken in the past few months, it seems. :-) Forgive my rambling. I hope you're all having a brilliant life.

6 comments :

  1. Maybe I should go back to school. I'm pretty sure my alone time is making me borderline insane too.

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    1. PS the third picture is one of my favorites of you of all time. You look so happy and pretty.

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    2. Thank you :D I really like it too! It's one of my faves.

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  2. I'm glad I'm not the only one who takes breaks from blogging for extended amounts of time. It's good to see you on here again! ;)

    I love your outfit. Geometric patterns and bright colors work so well on you. I think it's the brown eyes. Or maybe it's simply they match your personalty so well.

    I relate to your need for social interaction. I love my job right now because I get my own working space and for the most part I work on my own but there are always people near and I never leave for the day without having at least a couple of conversations and friendly exchanges with others.

    I also understand your fear of wasting time and money on an undergrad education that you might decide isn't for you. I've faced that same fear many times. I still haven't finished my undergrad degree. I'm going back to school next year to do just that. My original major was music education and now I'm switching to music business. My direction has changed a little, but my passion has remained the same. Your vision for your dreams can change but as long as you focus on what you are passionate about and work toward developing that, you will never waste your time. Even if you end up changing directions, simply take every turn as a new learning experience and be confident that everything happens in God's timing and good providence. :)

    Wow, that was a long rant. Okay I'm done now.

    Cheers!
    Dani from A Vapor in the Wind

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    1. Thank you, Dani! <3

      Thank you as well for the advice. I think part of my fear stems not just from wasting time and money but also from feeling inadequate -- if I have to give up my math degree, does that mean I wasn't good enough so I had to quit? It's an insecurity issue I'm sure I need to deal with. Thank you for the comfort and taking the time to comment :-)

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