Monday, January 4, 2016

Thinking Ahead // 2016

i want 2016 to be a year of accomplishments. here you have the resolutions blog post you've probably seen the four days past by the other bloggers you follow. i don't like the word “resolutions” -- i guess we've all been turned off it by the marketing it receives every january. my goals, resolutions, hopes, whatever are not all going to be tangible, because i've come to realize that the tangible goals are not always the ones focusing on personal growth.
// nearer, my God, to Thee. //
surveying my walk with Christ from these past years led me to a cold conclusion: i have wandered from my God. this i knew, but i didn't know how long i had wasted away from my Father. righting this is not easy, but it's essential. i am determined to study the Word and to really know it; to the christians who believe “more study” is unnecessary: how will i really truly know the character of God without it?

// preserving memories. //
it saddened me that while writing my review of last year i could hardly remember the highlights of the past twelve months. i had to look back at old posts to remember, and even then i'm sure the picture was hardly complete. for that reason, i want to save up to buy a small camera. i still want the nikon d7000 to capture high quality images for this blog, but i want to be able to carry a camera in my purse and pull it out when needed.
// but now i'm insecure and i care what people think. //
i am tired, so tired, of insecurities and sucking up to people. my personality type (isfj) is notorious for wearing itself out for the sake of pleasing others. once upon a time i didn't think that was really my problem, but now i find that it is -- and the root of it is not pleasing people but wanting them to like me. i want to learn to speak my opinion. in a loving way, yes, and not when it's unnecessary; but if someone asks me something, i sure as heck don't want to give them the dumbed down answer because i'm afraid they'll be mad at me. i am tired of letting people intimidate me. i am tired of a lack of boundaries.

// in the improvement of my mind. //
read fifteen books. watch ted talks. formulate my own opinions. stop quoting other people. be original. stop discussing things to show i know something when i don't.
// i love me. //
and i cringed when i typed those words. but i must learn to be self-positive. it's the road to confidence. i will smile and laugh at myself, i will stand up straight. i will create boundaries and stop reading into what people say to find an insult where none was intended. furthermore, if there was an insult, who cares.

// what scares you may not scare me. //
it is when i look back on 2015 that i realize that i grew so much more than i thought i could when i did what freaked me out the most. i took a speech class. if you ever ask me which class out of all my college credits impacted me most, this would be it. i suddenly initiated topics in conversations i wouldn't have before. i was more outgoing. most of all, i recognized my ability for public speaking and no longer really fear it.

but speech is not what i think my single greatest personal achievement was this year. this year i did what scared me by opening up to people i barely knew. i decided what the heck, i'm going to have fun. i went into differential calculus determined to remain cold and calculating. i wanted relationships yet i didn't; i didn't want to be the kid who needed help. i wanted to be above that. but i decried that -- and the happiness generated as a result has been such a blessing. i made friendships with my classmates. i burst into laughter with them. i spent hours in the tutoring center mulling over related rates problems and derivatives. i talked with them. they listened to me. they cared. i would not have known any of this if i didn't become more carefree.

so one of my goals for 2016 is doing what freaks me out. stop dropping classes because i'm scared of the workload or of failing. the most difficult two hours of 2015 was because of my pride, my obsessions, my lack of trust in God -- i feared failing. God allowed me to come too close to failing for my comfort, and i know it was only His mercy that kept me from failing epically. i didn't deserve the mercy i received. i need to remember that lesson. i need to approach more people, make more friendships. make memories. stop fearing.

i guess the best thing about a new year is that it feels like a new slate. i'll make plenty of idiotic mistakes cuz i'm cool like that. but hopefully i'll do a few things right too.

4 comments :

  1. A year of accomplishments... this is SO a great thing to look towards in 2016. I hope you find a balance with all of your resolutions or looking ahead goals, Hannah. I'm not much of a traditional resolution person, but it's always great to have goals or things we'd like to improve upon. A new year is the perfect time to look at what that might be. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly :-) I hope I find balance too, haha...this new school term has been very difficult. I thought I could do assignments in a similar manner to last term, but somehow that's not working, so I need to find a new way to study.

      Thanks for commenting, Rissi!

      Delete
  2. Thank you for sharing! I have a lot of high hopes for 2016 too - I know it is going to be a great year no matter what God sees fit to send my way. His grace is enough.
    I want to draw closer to God this year too... it's hard sometimes but I need to remind myself that the more I draw close to Him, the closer He will draw to me.
    As for preserving memories... I definitely want to do that this year as well!
    Thanks again for sharing!
    Rebekah Joy
    www.moreradiance.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rebekah, thank you so much for stopping by and commenting! Thank you for your encouragement as well :) I already feel as if 2016 has been such a learning period, at least in the way of relationships...I am so very blessed by the friendships God has placed in my life. It really is amazing how much we learn when we open ourselves to it.

      Delete